Humorous Church Bulletin Board Messages
Supposedly ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins
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The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote It Deceive Us And What We Can Do About It |
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Caffeine Blues: Wake Up to the Hidden Dangers of America's #1 Drug |
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Book of Dried Flowers : A Complete Guide to Growing, Drying, and Arranging
When the two authors first penned this book, they had already been in the dried flower business for 17 years. Their expertise and understanding of their craft shows in every word they write.
Chapters include instructions for growing the plants, viewing what the plants look like when dried, choosing your wreath bases or making your own, constructing wreaths, hangings, bouquets, swags, and choosing containers for table arrangements. |
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Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
The 'eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
This week we invite any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
This Monday we will be holding a 'Bean Supper' in the church hall. Music will follow.
The 2003 Church Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
'Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM in the church hall. Please use large double door at the side entrance
There will be a special collection today to pay for eight new choir robes. These are needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Mrs Williams will be going in to hospital this week for testes.
This week our Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"
Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.
A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Evening massage -- 6 p.m.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why.'
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Humorous Church Bulletin Board Messages
Supposedly ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins
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